TCHB-058 A collection of secrets from a certain man, volume 16

“Humans are sentenced to a life of freedom.” That’s what Sartre said.
We are chosen every day. We have the freedom to choose, yet we are still chosen in the end.

Like breathing in and out, I continue to process the materials today.
Is this a job, or is it a source of joy? Or perhaps it’s a way of escaping from reality? Or maybe it’s an extension of the revelations that God has given me.
No one knows. I also don’t know.

Reason and erection are both born from the same brain.
So, who can be blamed for this troubled state of mind?

What I see is a perfectly formed body.
A well-organized process, actions taken without hesitation, and the silent resistance of a woman who cannot be overcome.
The uncle’s aesthetic sense truly reaches the level of artistry. I hated that.
But before I knew it, I began to worship them.

Disdain is, in a way, the opposite of admiration. That’s exactly what it is.
I’m reacting to the qualities of that man, who I thought was “terrible” before. I’m completely affected by those qualities.
It’s as if the body allowed it to happen before the soul did.

In me, “rightness” has died a long time ago.
“Lying is not acceptable,” said my father. His voice still echoes in my ears to this day.
But dad, I don’t really want money.
I really want to see it.
“No matter what the material is… I will use it right in front of my eyes. With all my might.”
If that is a sin, then I have already been punished.
Every night, alone.

Being in this industry has completely destroyed my reputation. It’s like having a sand castle that has collapsed under the weight of time.
If it gets out of hand in the world, then there will be spray paint on the doors that says “Die”.
At the cashiers in convenience stores, people turn their faces away when they see them.
The notifications from dating apps will remain silent forever.

But still, I will upload it today.
The materials… no, the soul itself.
This act is no longer a ritual of self-destruction. It has become a offering for regeneration.

The women were incredibly well-groomed.
The lines on the back, the angles of the legs, the contours of the face.
I watch carefully as those things break apart.
And then, one has to hold their breath.
Beauty lies in destruction. The uncle knows that.

Why do people get excited by such videos?
No, who decided that one shouldn’t get excited?
Is it the law? Or ethics? Or maybe “common sense”?

Common sense is nothing more than a pile of prejudices that have been accumulated up to the age of 18.
— Einstein also said the same thing.

Today, I’m still drowning in the sea of prejudices.
I’m sending you these “ethically unacceptable, yet sexually excellent videos”.

So, please do it.
I hope it doesn’t spread too much.
But, I hope that you will watch it more than anyone else.

It is this contradiction that defines my “honesty”.